Genie pants, hammer pants, harem pants, I don’t care what you call them, they’re not right. They say that fashion travels from east to west like the sun, which explains why this stain is just now getting to us even though I saw this in Greece 18 months ago. This look was gross 18 months ago, it was laughable 18 years ago, why are we doing it again. I wonder if hammer pants really hit the streets as everyday fashion back when Hammer was around.

I understand that I don’t know everything about fashion, but I know when something’s so “aesthetically displeasing” it turns my stomach. What in the world can be attractive about an extra flap of material swaying between someone’s legs. It’s couture foreskin, circumcision in reverse. I’ve heard of letting it all air out, but damn, whole trends shouldn’t be a product feminine hygiene needs. Speaking on femi-anything, the first character in the line-up is a man. ‘Lady man’ yes, but man, just the same, I’m not even going to address the fact that this he’s wearing ladies wear, this is New York City, I’m just mad that this fashion exists at all.

I blame the Olsen twins for this vagabond/hobo-chic style that’s enveloping the city (and the runways.) There’s nothing cool about spending big bucks to look poor. If I see one more uggs and genie combo, I’m goin to lose it. That’s AntiHorny 101. Women are going to start going farther with the fashion, calling it “Marsupial Pants,” soon you’re going to see shops in SoHo selling pants that come with baby pouches in the crouch like kangaroos or wallabies. It’ll be in Vogue by Spring ‘11, no that’s not a baby bump, it’s a baby dump.

It hurts me to admit, but I have seen some tasteful harem pants out there, but it’s definitely a Goldilocks Scenerio: Tinkerbell’s pantaloons, on the right, are way too loose and Perez Hilton’s jersey/knit hammer pants are choking his calves. Diane von Furstenberg does it just right with her tailored capri/harem pant. Yet still, I gagged a little when I saw it on ItsFariyall.

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